So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
