How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
false alarm, still single
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
