I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
