I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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