That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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