so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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