I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
