Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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