I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
