literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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