I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
