and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
