I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
