Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
