New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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