i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
