Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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