I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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