Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
