she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
