I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
