dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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