we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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