New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
