I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
As shirtless as possible
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
