come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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