she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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