but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
