Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
