so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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