All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
