he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
