How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?