Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.