god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
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I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.