you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
