I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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