I think my vagina is haunted
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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