You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
