oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
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Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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