In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My bed smells like the plague
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
