Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
