Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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