Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want to be your penis for a week.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
