he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
