Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
