we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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