Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
