Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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