Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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