Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
