she was so not down for the gang bang
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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