i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
