I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
