We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
