: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
