He uses pillows to masturbate.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
