Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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