Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
