You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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