I'm so fucking centered right now
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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