What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
