the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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