Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Found the puke drawer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
